Monday, January 5, 2015

It lives. It breathes. It blogs.

Whenever I come across a bandster blog and they haven‘t updated in ages and just seemed to fall of the face of the earth, I wonder whether they‘ve died. Does anyone else do that? I‘m so morbid.
But I am at least – not dead.

The last time I updated this page was Jan 15, 2013. So two years ago. Reading back... well, it‘s clear I wasn‘t very happy.  Broke, overworked and lonely and weighing in at 190lbs.

After I split up with my ex in July 2012 I went to the doctor and had a huge fill. Way, way, WAY too huge. I was restricted to a diet of chocolate and Doritos (Oh, poor me! I know!) for months, since I soon became too broke to go back for an unfill. Lost half of my hair, was constantly in pain (gassy stomach), endless PBing... Not a good situation but I was afraid of loosening it up again in case I gained all of my weight back.

I finally did get an unfill – two in fact – but what happened during those months while I was quietly shedding my hair and my sanity with an overrestricted band? Nothing. I lost no weight whatsoever.

And even after my unfills – the scale was stuck. I think the six months of total starvation messed up my core metabolism. So bandsters – don‘t be tempted to do as I did!

But 2013 turned out to be a decent year in other ways, despite zero weightloss.

I travelled a fair bit, saw Saint Petersburg in Russia for the first time – spectacular! I would 100% recommend visiting, but do be advised that they do not cater to the english speaking tourist AT ALL. So bring your own guidebooks, etc. Wore a bikini to the beach in Crete every day for a few weeks. It was only hard for the first five minutes and then you realize that no one but no one is looking at you – ehh, which for some might be the problem? I visited Dublin and spent some time in London and the US and went back for my annual trip to Germany.

My ex was a pilot and we always travelled a lot and I‘ll admit to having a panicked thought after we broke up – how would I now be able to travel!? I‘d never go anywhere again!

I was proud and happy to find that I don‘t need the help of any man to acheive what I want to acheive.  I‘d forgotten that somewhere along the way.

Then towards the end of the year, Christmas came as it usually does, and with it came a Christmas Day lunch at my sister‘s house, where I met my brother in law‘s coworker.

Long story short, he and I were married on November 1st 2014.

SERIOUSLY.  I have proof!

Arriving at the church 20 minutes late. Go me. Always winning.

 The luckiest man in the room

 With my lovely parents
I like this one because I look tiny. Ha!

Dancing, dancing...

So much for the girl who was never going
to have a church wedding or wear some
"ridiculous, huge dress". What did she know anyway!?

We loved with a love that was more than love - Edgar Allen Poe

So it‘s fair to say that 2014 was a big surprise in my life. I still find myself looking back and going „what the actual f---?“

But I am right where I want to be, in a great relationship (uh, marriage) with the man that I love.
The band snapped back to life eventually and I now weigh a reasonably pudgy 154 lbs.
I am nowhere near my targets for what I want to look like but I am creeping closer to my initial goal weight of 143 lbs.

This morning I went back for another unfill. Having spent the holiday season regurgitating everything I tried to eat or drink and experiencing heartburn/reflux for the first time in my life, I went to the doctor TERRIFIED that my band had eroded or slipped. Thankfully, the band is fine and the placement is fine but I was too restricted and my oesophagus has as a result dilated a little. So they unfilled me a bit and I‘m  supposed to take it easy for the next couple of months to let it recover before they add more restriction.

Thank god it wasn‘t anything more serious – now my challenge is to not gain 8 million pounds between now and then. Give me strength!

I hope you‘re all doing tremendously well! Roll on 2015.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Solitary Confinement

So... merry christmas, happy new year, happy hanukkah and all the other holidays during which I did not post anything. I'm not sure anyone reads this blog anymore, and given the frequency of my posts, that is not too surprising. But I've been a little... blah.

There have been difficulties, financial mainly - the joys of rejoining the single ranks - and I've had a very tough time at work lately. While I won't go into details (this blog is boring enough as it is!), it's really taken it's toll on me. I haven't really socialized, Christmas just sort of passed me by without so much a wink of excitement on my part and for the most part, I just go to work and when I'm not at work, I just sit in my apartment waiting to go back into work again.

Some kinda life, huh?

So now I have been living like Ebenezer Scrooge to try to sort out the money situation fast, because being broke has been a real downer. And in a very counter productive money-saving move, I bought a gym membership today. They offered us a good deal, but it was a one day only sort of thing and I've been looking for a push to buy a membership and get started (never seems to be a good time!) so I decided to go ahead and buy the membership. I need to get more serious about my weight loss and I need to get out of the house to try and cheer myself up some, so hopefully this will turn out to be a good move.

There is nothing to report on the weight loss front, but I AM happy to report that for the first time in recorded history - I did not gain an ounce in December. And I used to put on 15 lbs in that month alone every year. So that was a relief. So now I just have to keep going, push on an drop the second half of my weight.

My bandiversary is in two weeks. I've lost what, 56 lbs since this time last year. Hoping for about 40 lbs more I think. That is the end game, anyway.

The internet beau is coming back tomorrow for a week this time. I am going to try to be less of a depressed train wreck while he is here. The strain of keeping up that act should cause me to lose 5 lbs at least. We can hope, anyway.

Anyway... here's to 2013! May it bring smaller pants sizes and bigger paychecks. Hooray!

Tuesday, December 11, 2012

Absent Minded, Absent Bodied.

Man, time sure does fly when I'm not blogging! I apologize, I've had a rotten few weeks really and haven't felt like keeping up with the blogosphere. Probably something to do with the fact that my diet has also been rotten (bad rotten, not rotten rotten). Self-medicating, my old friend.

I updated the weight page, I've lost 2 lbs in the past six weeks. Hip hip hooray! I should just be glad I haven't gained sixty lbs in the past six weeks, the way that I've been eating. I am starting to consider getting a very slight unfill after christmas. Being so tight and SO prone to getting stuck actually hinders me in eating well. I eat a lot of soup, and a lot of slider crap. Anything else is risky, unless it was cooked in a 5 star restaurant... and then it somehow usually seems to go down really well. But here at home... I get stuck on fried eggs, I get stuck on... most things, really.

I think after the new year, once I've gotten my eating reigned in after the xmas craziness -  I might get an unfill. See how that goes for me.

In other news, the internet beau came to visit. It was a lovely few days, and man it felt GOOD to be around someone again who genuinely thinks I'm retarded beautiful. There was a lot of crap in my last relationship... I was never pretty enough, or thin enough, to be worthy of respect and love. So I came out of that mess a little broken down.

I wasn't sure how I'd feel about being around someone new, and how he'd feel about me... I thought for sure my beastly self could only disgust and repulse others. But it was really lovely. He genuinely thinks I am an absolute knockout and just being around that did wonders for me. It was a healing four days, to be sure.

We'll see where it goes from here... He's coming back in January and I'll go see him in Febuary probably. And then we're planning a sun vacation in March... get away from the miserable winter for a bit. So we shall see. All we know now is that it has been really good for me to experience this.

I leave you with a picture of myself in a dress, taken last Saturday before the office Xmas party.

Nevermind my posture, I don't have multiple sclerosis. 
I was leaning against the wall like a cool cat. 

Saturday, October 27, 2012


I promised updated pictures of myself the last time I posted here, so before I went out last night, I took a couple of snaps for your viewing pleasure.

Then I got my TOM this month, so my mafioso gut is probably a little more prominent than usual in these pictures.

Took one from the back and got the shock of my effing life:

What kind of Kim Kardashian horror show is this? I look like a horse in a dress. 

For comparison, these are me on January 28 of this year. Tomorrow marks 9 months since my surgery. I am over halfway to my goal and 3 months away from my bandiversary.

Monday, October 22, 2012

Two Hairy Swamp Creatures (Sitting in a Tree)

Man, I suck at updating this blog... If you are reading, please leave me comments. They encourage me to keep blogging and updating my progress. I'm not too good with talking to myself (Not since the meds, anyway...har har) Plus, I just love hearing from you!

Anyway, my pre-internet date beauty and diet regime didn't exactly kick of when it was supposed to. But it has kicked off now and that is the important thing, right? No use crying over failed diets you never technically went on. As of last Monday however, I am one dieting fool! And consequently I've reached another milestone (remember those?). I'm now 87 kgs / 191 lbs. That's a loss of 53 lbs since my surgery on January 28 of this year. I'm over halfway there! My next milestone isn't for awhile, or another 17.6 lbs. So please support me and help me stay motivated!

I also owe pictures, I'll have to get around to posting some very soon. Not that there is a difference from when you last viewed me strolling around in my underpants for the world to see, but debts owed shall be debts paid. So expect that very soon.

The lovahhh's visit is four weeks away as of yesterday. That... is not an awful lot of time to transform oneself from a hairy swamp creature to Miss Universe. I mean, miss Congeniality did it in 40 minutes... but you gotta take into account that they started with Sandra Bullock. I'm kind of just trying to think... fuck it. I'm not going to transform myself in four short weeks, I'm just going to stick to my diet as best I can, try to make myself look presentable, relax and try to feel good about it.... and hope that at the end of all this, HE doesn't show up looking like a hairy swamp creature.

Sunday, October 7, 2012

Halfway Home

I think my gameplan for my new apartment is working! I had gained a little during the last few weeks of living with my ex, just stress eating I think. Wasn't getting any sleep, eating to stay awake... Then when I moved out, those pounds came off and although I've not exactly been a model of clean living this past week (I have an empty box of Oreos and an empty bottle of Bailey's that will testify to that) I have been making sure I don't overindulge calorie wise (well... minus the Bailey's). So even though I'll eat Oreos, I track them on MFP and really, when you are writing down how many Oreos you really had... you'll not have as many.

So ladies, feast your eyes on this:

EDIT: Errr, I tried to post my Ticker thing here but I am technically handicapped and can't get it to show up. You can see it in my Weight page!

23 kilos gone. 23 of dem suckas to go!

My weight is currently 88 kg or 194 lbs. 

My internet lovaahhh's visit is six weeks away now. I am hoping against hope that I'll be able to get down to 80. It's probably too tall an order, I know... but as far as I get is as far as I get. I'll at least be aiming in that direction!

Be well ladies. I'm off too nurse my hangover... Damn Bailey's. The best thing to come out of Ireland since the accent.

Monday, October 1, 2012

Hello October!

I've been excusably absent for a couple of weeks, I believe the last time I blogged I was still at the tender young age of 29 even. A long, long time ago. As I write these very words, I'm wearing a sweater set and my breath smells like a bedpan. I've HIT the dirty thirties, ladies... and gentlemen? I don't think any men read this.

So what is new...well, I've moved out of my big house and into a small apartment. I painted it before I moved in (when I got the keys, the place was baby blue and easter bunny yellow... wtf, right? Drugs are bad, kids.). Moving things from a 3000 sq foot home into an 800 sq foot apartment is no easy feat. I am trying to get settled in, but I can tell you this right now... my Tetris skills from the 80s are about to come in damn handy.

I feel like I've lost weight. Conveniently I feel this way as I have no earthly clue where my bathroom scales are located in this jungle of boxes I live in right now. But I feel less bloated and just, smaller somehow...

Like I said, convenient - as I have no scales....

I thought it would feel weird somehow being on my own again, but now that the move is over I am just so relieved. Having my own space and having my life be just mine again... fantastic. Relationships are great when they are good but man do they blow hard when they are bad! haha!

I have been chatting with someone online (groan - hate admitting that!) for awhile now. We've been talking nonstop for over six weeks on Facebook, the phone, texting and Skype. He even sent me a very cute birthday present! Anyway, this guy lives in another country but we are talking about him coming out to see me for a few days in December.... Eeeeeek! I can't help thinking I've fooled him somehow. I won't deny that it feels nice to have someone thinking I'm the bee's knees and fawning over my looks, but in the back of my mind I'm thinking "if only he knew the truth...". Like I'm hiding some dark, tragic secret by being fat. Even though I've told him I am... and I mean he's obviously seen me on Skype and stuff too, but I swear I look prettier on there than I actually am. I've told him and he insists he doesn't even care at all and that I'm still beautiful... but I just don't know. Who flies to another country to meet a fat chick!?

Ahh whatever. Even if it doesn't work out, maybe we'll still have a good time. And if it's horrible, it's just gonna be about four days that I'll have to live through.

ANYWAYS... in light of his anticipated arrival, I've come up with a 10 week plan. An all inclusive beauty regime plan. Starting today, I'm tracking my calories on MFP again and I'm going to start exercising (also, does carrying furniture and boxes up and down stairs count as exercise?). Day one is done. So far so good. 9 weeks and six days to go.

I know I won't transform into a skinny minny beauty queen in ten weeks time, but maybe I'll make a small dent in the ocean of blubber that is I.... even if just for my confidence moreso than my actual appearance.

I hope everyone's doing well and kicking ass in the weight loss department. Hope to join you soon!

Be well.