Sunday, May 6, 2012

Stucky McStuckerson

I keep getting stuck! On fries though. And I should probably take a hint and not eat fries, right? Hint has not been taken yet.

I have my second fill scheduled on Tuesday morning.  My doctor never gave me any information, I realized this after my last fill – should I be adhering to any kind of special diet right after a fill? I heard something about 24 hours of liquid or  mush, but haven’t had this confirmed yet.

Anyway, after my fill –  I really want to hunker down and get serious. This progress has been slow. And I mean slooooow. I have hardly noticed how slow though, since to me it feels like xmas was just yesterday and it’s already freaking May (htf did that happen?) but I am so disappointed that it’s only been about 20 something lbs and it’s almost summer.

Then I think about the foods I’ve been eating and realize I should be thankful that I am not GAINING weight. I haven’t dieted at all. I’ve stayed away from anything carbonated (I pretty much stick to water) and my portions are much smaller, I don’t eat as much or graze as often. That has been my saving grace… but I need to do better. I realize that I am en route to becoming a “failed bandster”.  And as I am a self-pay patient, I cannot BELIEVE I am doing this. I spent all this money, endured all that pain and to what motherloving end!?

But I also have been incredibly happy with the fact that I have lost weight without dieting. I still allow myself everything, just in (albeit forced) moderation. That always seemed like a far fetched dream for me. And I don’t want to go into dietzilla mode and set myself up for failure.

So the plan is, the day after my finals are over I am parking the car for awhile and riding my bike to work. It’s gonna suck and it’s gonna suck hard, but I want to try it.  It’s a little bit of exercise, a little bit of outdoors and maybe it will encourage me to want to try to exercise more. I gotta start somewhere, right?

The other thing is, I am going to start to make healthier choices most of the time. Not all of the time, but most of the time. I’ll still have bad stuff here and there, just rarely. I am going to be “mostly good”.

Again, I gotta start somewhere. I’m hoping my fill on Tuesday will also help in me filling up faster again.

I’ll never be a band superstar, but maybe I’ll make the Z list yet!

PS: Do you guys drink coffee? I am wondering whether to start drinking coffee to help me eat less, as it tends to curb my appetite. 


  1. I just wanted to say that no matter how I look at it I can´t define a 20 lbs weightloss as a failure. I think this is much better for you, eat everything in smaller portions and loose the pounds nice and slow so they will stay of. Good luck with the biking and congrats with the exams.
    N :)

  2. No, it's not a failure - but it doesn't feel like much of a success either. I don't know. I swing from being acutely miserable about my slow weightloss to being wildly ecstatic about not having had to actually "diet" for it. First world problems :)