Saturday, February 18, 2012

Weight and other news.

So I weighed myself and posted the results on my weight page. I had lost 2 lbs this last week, which I guess is pretty normal. It does feel underwhelming though. I had the rapid weight loss in the beginning, and then it feels like it is sort of slowly grinding to a hault. I hate that I feel this way though. 2 lbs in a week, and 13 lbs overall in 3 weeks is not bad at all. It. Is. Not. Bad.

I just had it in my head before surgery that I would hopefully lose 20 lbs in the first month post-op. Barring amputation, that does not seem so likely to happen. And also since I’ve had my surgery I’ve come to find out that a lot of the people whose weight was down 20 og 30 lbs a month after surgery also had a pre-surgery liquid diet. I had no pre-op requirements at all. Just show up, play dead on the table and get banded. That was it.

And I keep trying to remind myself that I didn’t have anything done to me. I have the band installed to help me control my appetite and portion sizes. That’s all that it’s going to do. I didn’t get a bypass where my intestines were surgically attached to the back of my tongue and everything I eat comes flying out my other end 2 minutes later. Nothing has changed. I am just eating smaller portions and fewer meals a day. So it stands to reason that my weight loss is going to be at a normal pace…

I think I was a little mean to my mom earlier on the phone. Remember how I told you she was being really supportive after the surgery but I was just waiting for her interest to become detrimental to my mental health? Well, it sort of got there already. She calls me almost every day to ask how much weight I’ve lost. And when I tell her she pauses for a little while and then lets out a disappointed “…oh” the way only your mother can. This is not her being mean, she just always has mega ultra expectations for everything and then she is powerless to disguise her disappointment when things don’t go according to her dream-like plan. And then she adds “But… that is only half a pound more than 4 days ago…?”

Well, she made a phone call like this earlier today as I was stewing on my own and trying to pick myself up and be happy about my weight loss and accept that it was going to happen at a normal pace. And I kind of snapped at her, gave her the same spiel I just wrote about not having had a bypass surgery and that nothing was going to magically happen overnight and I refused to tell her my weight or how much weight I had lost because I didn’t want to hear her be disappointed. There was nothing I could do, I was eating 700 calories a day and trying to drink water and in the end… that would deliver weight loss. But it wasn’t going to happen dramatically fast and I wanted to just be left alone with it.  It was not something I wanted her to be all over.

And I could tell she was a little hurt. She said she had only wanted to be a part of this experience with me… and I get that, and I feel bad now. But it’s just that I can’t have her be a part of it with me when she tints every step of the way with disappointment because I am not defying the laws of physics, losing double digit numbers every week. (Every time she would bring up… “Only 2 lbs? But you lost 7 lbs the first week!?).

Ugh. I feel bad. I deserve to feel bad, I know. I just didn’t know what else to do…

Anyway. Two pounds off. Yay. 

1 comment:

  1. I love your comment about the bypass... my neighbor had it and ofcourse I reached out to her on my decision for the lap band. Yep...she pretty much told, dont't drink, shit go on with your day.

    Your funny.